Leaders Guide - Marital Problems

Leaders know that a Marine preoccupied with marital or relationship problems will not be at 100%. When a Marine and spouse are going through difficult and challenging times, early intervention can help the couple get back on track. Although most Marines and spouses would benefit from participation in prevention or education programs, many do not seek help and marital problems only get worse or the positive feelings they once had for each other erode away. Recognizing when a Marine may need help and ensuring the Marine knows where and how to get that help is essential to mission readiness.

What to Look For

Supervisors and peers may overhear, observe, or become aware of marital conflict through co-workers.
Marine may not be performing up to standard, seems preoccupied with personal matters, is interrupted frequently during the duty day by telephone calls from home, or may come in late or ask for time off more frequently to take care of family issues.
Marine may avoid going home, complain about spouse or partner, or refer to the marriage in negative terms.
Marine may appear depressed and withdrawn, appearance may begin to deteriorate.
Marine may be having problems in other areas such as finances, anger control, general coping skills, or substance use.
Spouse may call unit leaders complaining about the Marine.

What to Do

Talk to the Marine in private about observations. Avoid becoming confrontational.
Emphasize that long-term commitments come with bumps in the road and that everyone experiences problems in their relationships.
Inquire if problems at home are impacting performance. Explain that the unit needs this Marine personally and would support them getting help so they can remain dependable.
Inform the Marine of options available.
Strongly encourage participation in prevention programs or classes in MCCS that deal with the identified problem areas.
Ensure the Marine is aware of the services Military OneSource provides.
Encourage the Marine to talk to a chaplain or other trusted professional if appropriate.
Convey expectation and confidence that issues will be dealt with appropriately.

What to Avoid

Ignoring observations, letting problems continue or get worse.
Not taking the problem seriously or minimizing concerns.
Telling the Marine to take care of the problem without providing options.
Joining in negative comments about Marine's spouse or partner.
Not allowing the Marine time off to attend prevention programs when the need is clearly indicated.
Assuming young couples have the skills to resolve conflict without assistance.

What to Expect after Taking Action

Most Marines will follow though with recommendations to seek assistance, participate in prevention programs, or see a chaplain if supported to do so.
Marine may experience embarrassment about asking for help and may need encouragement to follow-through with recommendations.

Troubleshooting

Most Marines want to get back to work and up to speed as quickly as possible and do not want to be identified as needing extra assistance. Handling issues discreetly and respectfully is important.
Leaders can offer support by promoting marriage enrichment and other educational programs as universally beneficial to all couples.
Some Marines may downplay, minimize, or deny obvious problems. Leaders may need to take a more active role in encouraging the Marine to seek assistance.
For some couples, conflict may have escalated into domestic abuse. Leaders need to be on the lookout for signs of abuse and report any suspected incidents to Family Advocacy and the proper authorities.
Some Marines may become increasingly depressed and withdrawn when relationship problems are not getting better. Staying abreast of any changes in behavior that might indicate the Marine is becoming a danger to themselves or others should be addressed immediately.