MILITARY LIFE

Postvention

Survivor resources from Suicide Prevention Resource Center

As National Survivor or Suicide Day approaches, SPRC would like to remind you of two of our publications for survivors:

 After a suicide: Recommendations for religious services and other public memorial observances   (http://www.sprc.org/library/aftersuicide.pdf )            A guide to help community and faith leaders who plan memorial observances and provide support for individuals after the loss of a loved one to suicide.

 Suicide survivor resources   http://www.sprc.org/library/survresources.pdf
A list of resources compiled by SPRC that includes information on support groups, organizations, advocacy materials, and resources and publications for survivors of suicide.

 

Note: A survivor of suicide is a family member or friend of a person who died by suicide.

Approximately 5 million Americans became survivors of suicide in the last 25 years.

Grief does not follow a linear path nor does it always move in a forward direction. There is not time frame for grief. Survivors should not expect their lives will return to their prior states. Survivors aim to adjust to life without their loved one.

Commons emotions experienced in grief are:

  • Shock
  • Helplessness
  • Disbelief
  • Guilt
  • Denial
  • Shame
  • Dispair
  • Anger
  • Numbness
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Rejection
  • Lonliness
  • Confusion
  • Self-blame

   

 

Tips for Survivors of Suicide

Remember the basics of life.  Eat, sleep, exercise, drink plenty of water, and breathe & just sit back a few times a day and take a deep breath.

Allow yourself your feelings.  Feelings are not "good" or "bad". They are just feelings, and they are ALL normal.

Keep a journal. Write your feelings, your dreams, your memories. Journaling is a great way to work out your emotions, and it allows you to look back later to see how far you've come.

Allow yourself to talk about your loved one. Find a safe place to do just that&whether you call a friend, speak with your pastor, or join a support group.

Remember that you have suffered a great loss and a horrific trauma. Allow yourself the time you need to heal.  Also, remember individuals deal with loss in their own way, in their own time.

Find special ways to honor the memory of your loved one. plant a tree, make a memory album, donate money in their name, light a candle on their birthday&whatever works for you, do it!

Learn more about suicide. Read books, surf the web, talk to other survivors. Survivors of suicide are in a high-risk group for taking their own lives. Learn the warning signs; decide on a plan of action with family members; make a pact with a friend. If you are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone and find help. Stop the legacy of suicide in your family. 

 

Comforting a Suicide Survivor

Do List

  • Give them time, love and understanding.
  • Remember that individuals grieve in their own way, in their own time frame. Give them the space they need to grieve, and don"t try to rush them.
  • Encourage them to talk about what they are feeling or thinking, and to express their grief.
  • Offer ideas and not advice. Let them decide what they want to do and when.
  • Help them to not feel guilty for taking care of themselves - remind them to get a lot of sleep, eat regularly, drink plenty of water, exercise.
  • Pay attention to their loved ones in the following months. Survivors are often hyper vigilant - afraid to lose someone else. Help them to understand that these feelings are natural. Assure them that they are not alone in watching out for their loved ones.
  • Listen when they want to talk about their loved one who died by suicide - you may be the only person urging them to do so.
  • Encourage them to find a support group. Being with people who have experienced similar losses is a good idea. These groups can be found by calling your local crisis center or checking online at www.suicidology.org

Don't List

  • Don't assume you know best, or how they feel.
  • Don't make comparisons to your own losses.
  • Don't tell them how they should feel, or try to change their feelings. Feelings are unique to each individual. There is no such thing as a good or bad feeling - they are just "feelings", and we all have them.
  • Don't tell them this was Gods will or preach to them. They will draw strength from their own faith, if that is important to them.
  • Don't give them your pills or personal medications.
  • Don't change the subject if they want to talk about their loved one.
  • Don't take over their responsibilities unless they ask you to do so.
  • Don't stop visiting them or calling them.
  • Don't alter their loved one's room or belongings. They can do that in their own time, and they may consider making such changes to be their own special project.
  • Don't point out the fact that they have other children, if they lost a child. Each individual and each relationship is unique.
  • Don't add to their feelings of grief and guilt by pointing out things that should have been done differently.

http://www.brcic.org/pro survive.html

 

Web Resources for Survivors of Suicide